2018
2018 was a gasoline-doused dumpster fire of a year. Some good, or at least interesting, stuff escaped the flames, however. Here they are.
January
January is financial hangover from the holidays. It’s also the time of undertaken, and abandoned, New Year’s resolutions. Fun fact: “New Year, New Me!” dies by January 31st. But the Royal Rumble takes place in January and there’s playoff football, so it’s not all bad as long as you stay indoors and attempt no socializing of any kind. The sun only shines for four days in January and you’re working all of them.February
The Patriots have appeared in half of all SuperBowls played between 2002 and 2018. What a bunch of lucky, spoiled fans we are. We usually have something to look forward to every other February. That also means every time the Pats don’t win New England sports radio finds a way to somehow become even more insufferable. “The golden age is OVAH KEHD Brady is WAWSHED UP we never shoulda traded Jimmy Garrafolo!” And that’s exactly what happened. Radio should be avoided all together. It’s only either New England sports fans or the same god damn Red Hot Chili Peppers songs anyway.Also, February is the month during which people start saying aloud “We haven’t gotten much snow this winter, maybe we’ll get off easy!” and then five Nor’easters strike at once.
March
In the spirit of celebrating my Irish half-roots for St. Patrick’s Day, I attended a fantastic Celtic Sojourn concert at the Zeiterion Theater in New Bedford, and spent the next morning sick as hell. I’d say that my ancestors would be proud, but I only had a beer at the show and a glass of wine afterwards, so I don’t know what happened. Maybe this was the test and I failed. By the way, there’s nothing that tests the bounds of a new relationship than throwing up in your new girlfriend’s toilet.
April
My cousin Josh hosted a Wrestlemania party the theme of which required us to wear a shirt of a wrestler from the 80’s. He found a unique Hacksaw Jim Duggan shirt that read “Bros before Hoooo’s” (I’m sure no one besides us and Nick Jenkins gets this). My brother tore up an old white t-shirt and scribbled a Yankees logo on it to channel his inner Brooklyn Brawler. I found the old-school, classic Macho Man Randy Savage t-shirt online and was confident that I would take home the replica WWE Championship spinner belt to be awarded the winner. Then my cousin Grace walked in fully decked in Ultimate Warrior facepaint, tights, and muscle body t-shirt, and robbed me of my victory. She made a powerful enemy that day. |
| CREAM OF THE CROP |
Infinity War came out this month and was fucking awesome,
but you already knew that.
May
Okay, straight up: most of May was terrible as far as my personal life goes (re:dumpster fire). A bright spot, however, was an outdoor Portuguese feast-type event in downtown New Bedford on a warm, bright Saturday afternoon. I should be allowed to eat cacoila sandwiches and openly drink beer while walking the streets at all times.June
As I would not STFU about last year, I visited Ireland and it was AMAZING. My little crew went from Dublin to Galway and back, and saw Giant’s Causeway, the Cliffs of Moher (the Cliffs of Insanity for Princess Bride fans), the Guinness Brewhouse, the Dark Hedges, and all kinds of stuff. We somehow got sunny skies and 60 degree weather most of the days we were there. And that Irish brogue! I’m going to propose to the next woman I hear speaking with it. Our conversations can consist solely of her reading the phonebook for the rest of our days for all I care. Anyway I've already posted a million pics of it on my Facebook account so I won't repeat that here, but this was my favorite vacation ever.July
After the bucket-list trip that was Ireland, my next adventure took me all the way to my couch, from which I beat Ninja Gaiden on my NES Classic. It took many retries, but I persevered. I'm not saying I'm a hero, but I'm not saying I'm not.
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| In related news, I did not get to the beach once. |
Smashing Pumpkins put on a great show at TD Garden on my birthday, and it lasted about 35 hours and 400 songs*. One of which was a cover of “Stairway to Heaven”, which is the most self-indulgent thing ever, but they pulled it off, so...
Song of the night was "Porcelina of the Vast Oceans." My god Jimmy Chamberlain HITS those drums.
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| Add caption |
August
The Portuguese Feast is less shady and stabby than it used to be, so I went and saw, of all bands, Queensryche perform. To my surprise, not everyone left. To my greater surprise, some people sang along to the songs (as I did). Nothing says “outdoor summer fest” like prog metal.From my couch I beat Zelda II, and in the process saved Hyrule AGAIN. I saved Earth and Hyrule within the span of a month YOU’RE WELCOME. I still didn’t get to the beach.
I played an Iron Maiden pinball machine and now have to have one.
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| Take all my money |
September
In September I took a spur-of-the-moment trip to San Diego and went to the KAABOO music festival, the first night of which was headlined by the Foo Fighters. Of course they were awesome, but there were these annoying kids around me complaining how tired they were “I’m falling asleep on my feet, oh my godddddd,” etc. A few of these kids said wanted to hear “Everlong” and they could leave after; it ended up being the closer, so the second group filled the break between every song by asking if it was going to be played next. Awful.October
Sometime earlier in the year, a friend turned me onto a band called the Screaming Females. I missed their Boston show by a few months, but that there was an October date in Brooklyn, so I took the train from Cambridge, headquarters of Massachusetts hipsters, to the center of the hipster universe itself. They were outstanding. The band, not the hipsters. |
| Sorry for the crappy photo |
November
This month was a roller coaster. On one hand, my car’s transmission died and was only resuscitated by burning vast quantities of money on it. On the other hand, I had a great Thanksgiving dinner with family, followed by a game of Dead of Winter, a zombie survival board game in which players have to work together while also fighting both the elements and a secret traitor among the team. We all died. |
| ...we all died |
December
I bought a new pair of glasses, which is always tricky because it takes a few days to get used to them. These days are spent misjudging the depth of sidewalks and walking into tables.Have you ever wanted to visit Kentucky? Of course you haven’t, but my parents moved there and I went to see them for Christmas. It isn’t all that much different than Massachusetts, other than that they have streets with names like Gunpowder Road. The people there are mostly polite and some definitely seem to be that polite-to-your-face-but-juding-you type of polite. I might just be thinking that because there was a church on every block.
So above when I wrote that my car was in the shop? Yeah it died after that and I bought a new one on New Year’s Eve. It was important to me to start the new year on a good note, and here I am ending this blabbing on a good note. The dumpster fire has been put out. Here's to keeping it out.
