Tinder
is the dating app for people who don't want to read or write. If you're
unfamiliar with what it is, it's easy to understand. You see someone's picture.
Swiping it to the left means you don't like them. Swiping right means you do,
and if they swipe your picture right too, you'll have the chance to chat. It's
the ultimate personification of speed dating meets ADD that science has
produced, just one step behind creating soulless fuckable celebrity clones.
To
be fair, you have the option to go slightly deeper than see-a-pic-swipe-a-pic.
You can fill out a profile, entering an autobio or whatever nonsense your lil
heart desires up to 500 words. In that respect it's sorta like Twitter, if the
goal of Twitter is to get laid (note: that's actually the goal of EVERYTHING).
Many
users are seemingly good, normal people. Many are not, which provides much free
comedy and entertainment. These are the most entertaining profiles I've found.
So far.
"I wish this thing had an undo button"
-
And we're off to a good start. Literally the first profile I looked at for
this.
"Your
mom will like me and I had your father at hello."
-
I don't know this woman but I hate her.
"I'm
not looking to hook up so swipe to the left"
-
Followed by bikini pics. WHY DOES NO ONE TAKE THIS SITE SERIOUSLY?
"I
get suspicious if you don't show your teeth when you smile"
-
No joke here. These are actually good words to live by.
-
One woman used the word "persiflage". She may be a keeper.
"I
AM NOT ON HERE TO FUCK!!!!!!"
"#YOSO
and I hardly swipe right (wink emoticon)"
-
YOSO? That an acronym for You Only Swipe Once? Oh you're so clever and playing
hard to get PLEASE SWIPE ME RIGHT YOSO!
"Intellectuals
solve problems; geniuses prevent them."
-
By this logic Stephen Hawking has been downgraded to "intellectual"
because he can only advance the study of black holes and not stop them from
eating stars. Brava, lady. YOSO.
"Month
of October 2007:
Time
spent on phone:
2,421
Anytime Mins
493
Mobile to Mobile
612
N&W
This
equals 58.77 hours on the phone, or 2.45 days.
Who
wants to join me in concocting a diabolical plan to destroy all phones!?"
-
Written on a phone.
When
the aliens judge us, these will be evidence for "destroy
humanity."
