Tinder

Tinder is the dating app for people who don't want to read or write. If you're unfamiliar with what it is, it's easy to understand. You see someone's picture. Swiping it to the left means you don't like them. Swiping right means you do, and if they swipe your picture right too, you'll have the chance to chat. It's the ultimate personification of speed dating meets ADD that science has produced, just one step behind creating soulless fuckable celebrity clones.

To be fair, you have the option to go slightly deeper than see-a-pic-swipe-a-pic. You can fill out a profile, entering an autobio or whatever nonsense your lil heart desires up to 500 words. In that respect it's sorta like Twitter, if the goal of Twitter is to get laid (note: that's actually the goal of EVERYTHING).

Many users are seemingly good, normal people. Many are not, which provides much free comedy and entertainment. These are the most entertaining profiles I've found. So far.

"I wish this thing had an undo button"

- And we're off to a good start. Literally the first profile I looked at for this.

"Your mom will like me and I had your father at hello."

- I don't know this woman but I hate her.

"I'm not looking to hook up so swipe to the left"

- Followed by bikini pics. WHY DOES NO ONE TAKE THIS SITE SERIOUSLY?

"I get suspicious if you don't show your teeth when you smile"

- No joke here. These are actually good words to live by.

- One woman used the word "persiflage". She may be a keeper.

 "I AM NOT ON HERE TO FUCK!!!!!!"

"#YOSO and I hardly swipe right (wink emoticon)"

- YOSO? That an acronym for You Only Swipe Once? Oh you're so clever and playing hard to get PLEASE SWIPE ME RIGHT YOSO!

 "Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."

- By this logic Stephen Hawking has been downgraded to "intellectual" because he can only advance the study of black holes and not stop them from eating stars. Brava, lady. YOSO.

 "Month of October 2007:

Time spent on phone:

2,421 Anytime Mins

493 Mobile to Mobile

612 N&W

This equals 58.77 hours on the phone, or 2.45 days.  

Who wants to join me in concocting a diabolical plan to destroy all phones!?"

- Written on a phone.

When the aliens judge us, these will be evidence for  "destroy humanity."

Deconstructing Gene Simmons's "Rock is finally dead" statement

"Rock is finally dead."

Earlier this month Gene Simmons told Esquire Magazine that. Gene is always good for a quote, because there's usually a root of truth in what he says that's been contorted until it loses validity. The man's mouth is a trebuchet for convolution.

He goes on to say: “It's very sad for new bands. My heart goes out to them. They just don't have a chance. If you play guitar, it's almost impossible. You're better off not even learning how to play guitar or write songs, and just singing in the shower and auditioning for The X Factor. And I'm not slamming The X Factor, or pop singers. But where's the next Bob Dylan? Where's the next Beatles? Where are the songwriters? Where are the creators? Many of them now have to work behind the scenes, to prop up pop acts and write their stuff for them.”

Here's the problem. There are two related but separate parts to his statement: 1. Rock is dead 2. New rock bands don't have a chance. The first part is completely inaccurate. Take a look at the top grossing tours of all time. Know what #1 is? U2's 2009-2011 tour. It grossed over $700 mil. Again: this is not a U2 tour from the 80's or 90's. It wrapped up a scant three years ago, and it made almost a billion dollars. #2 goes to the Rolling Stones, who grossed over $500 million from 2005-2007. 8 out of the top 10 from this list are ROCK BANDS, and most of the tours are from the 2000s. 

Either a pic of U2's stage or a robo-monster that has a taste for human flesh.

Statement part 2 is open to argument, because it addresses newer bands and the future. For my argument I'll use bands formed in 2000 and onward as "newer bands"; as it wouldn't be fair to judge the state of sports by how rookies perform, I won't base rock on that standard. It's obvious they don't stack up to artists from other genres, numbers-wise. The newest rock-ish band among 2013's top 10 grossing acts is Maroon 5, formed in '94. Mumford & Sons is the closest thing to a rock band started post-2000 that's even in the top 20. But it's not as if newer bands are fucking starving just because they're not making Beyonce money. Imagine Dragons grossed over $9 million last year on tour. The same year, Halestorm became the first female-fronted band ever to hit no. 1 on the Billboard Active Rock chart then won the Best Hard Rock/Metal Grammy. The Black Keys earned millions during their 2012 tour. If you'll allow me to stretch to bands formed in 1999, Avenged Sevenfold have had two albums debut at no.1 on the Billboard top 100. 

This happened.

Veteran rock bands reign over the touring aspect of music, and newer ones are earning millions and topping the charts. Numbers don't lie and rock music is doing fine.

Bibliography

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/culture/gene-simmons-future-of-rock

http://www.billboard.com/articles/list/5930326/music-s-top-40-money-makers-2014-the-rich-list

http://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/chart-beat/958877/album-rock-charts-celebrate-anniversaries

http://www.billboard.com/biz/articles/news/touring/1083306/black-keys-top-hot-tours-chart-followed-by-jason-aldean-eric

http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/5680123/avenged-sevenfold-earns-second-no-1-album-on-billboard-200

Lorde risked 60,000 then sold a million.

Lorde at the Boston Calling concert, 9/6/14. 
(Photo is from the Boston Calling Facebook page)

Lorde is the New Zealand-born singer and songwriter of the huge hits “Royals” and “Team”, and the outstanding Pure Heroine album . At 17 she had already won two Grammy awards, one of which was Song of the Year for "Royals", and was earning high praise from musicians like Dave Grohl, who said "she has an incredible future ahead of her as a writer, performer, and artist." And before all of that, she let 60,000 copies of her music be downloaded for free.

 Lorde won two Grammy awards by 17.

When she was starting out and recording her debut EP, The Love Club, she made the choice to make it freely available for download on Soundcloud. According to her manager, they chose it over iTunes because they reasoned that it would be hard to expect people to pay money to hear an unknown artist. They had so much faith in the music that they made it available for free and decided to worry about money later. Her Soundcloud profile had no photo and the bio didn't mention her age; even her avatar was only a drawing. Just on the strength of the music and through word of mouth, 60,000 copies were downloaded. Fast forward to the current day and her debut album, Pure Heroine, has reached no. 1 on Billboard's digital album charts, no. 3 on the top 200 and sold over a million copies. 

Lorde's Soundcloud avatar.

There are always the arguments as to whether or not the internet has ruined the music business, but artists can also make it work for them. Soundcloud is a website on which anyone can upload their music for public consumption. You could go do it this very moment. Lorde began on this level playing field and has risen to where she is now. She and her manager used the internet to get her name out there, took the initial monetary loss, and stuck to a plan that has paid off. It's gratifying to see hard work and talent lead to success, and she's proved that free online distribution of music can work to an artist's advantage. Her Soundcloud page is still up, too.

Bibliography

http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/5922997/lordes-pure-heroine-hits-1-million-in-sales
https://www.facebook.com/Bostoncalling

Q: "What's it like to be the best guitarist in the world?" Hendrix: "I don't know, ask Rory Gallagher."

Legend has it that when Jimi Hendrix was asked at Woodstock what it was like to be the best guitarist in the world, he answered “I don’t know, ask Rory Gallagher.”

Rory Gallagher is the best guitarist you’ve probably never heard of. Hell, I hadn’t heard of him until a few years ago, and I only did because I read Guitar World magazine. Once I heard his music I was blown away by his playing. His note choices, his phrasing technique, and his fusion of blues and rock are all incredible. You can feel the passion in every note he plays. He simply sounded amazing.

Rory was born in Ballyshannon, County Donegal, Ireland on March 2, 1948. His parents gave him his first guitar when he was 9 and he began performing almost immediately. When he was 12 he won a talent competition and used the prize money to buy the Fender Stratocaster he became most associated with during his career. As a teenager he spent his after-school hours performing in an Irish show band, and three years later formed the band Taste. The group was moderately successful, releasing 2 albums, touring Ireland and England, and even opened for Cream on their farewell tour.

In 1970 he disbanded Taste and began his solo career. He released 10 albums in 10 year, recorded 14 total, and toured extensively. In 1972 he beat out Eric Clapton as Melody Maker’s Guitarist of the Year. Live footage shot on his 1974 Irish tour was of such a high quality that a movie was made from it. Notably, the concert took place in Northern Ireland during a period of heavy violence. Most major acts avoided the area. At least 10 bombs went off in Belfast the day before the show, but Rory refused to cancel.  Irish journalist Roy Hollingworth summarized just what it meant to those in attendance: “Without being silly, or overemotional, it was one of the most memorable moments of my life. It all meant something, it meant more than just rock’roll, it was something bigger, something more valid than just that.”

Acidic sweat does a number on a paint job.

The Stratocaster he got at age 9 remained his main guitar. Taking a time lapse view over the course of his career, the sunburst paint finish can be seen fading away. One popular explanation is that Rory’s sweat was unusually acidic and helped wear the finish away (This sounded interesting but unlikely to me, but it’s on his official biography, so make up your own mind). Another factor is that the guitar was stolen from a gig and found weeks later under a bridge, having been exposed to pouring rain. It may also have something to do with the fact that it was played on almost every night for over 20 years.  

Rory was notable for his playing style, which fused blues, folk and rock. He incorporated slide playing into his arsenal and showcased several acoustic songs. He was often referred to as Clapton’s contemporary, though he never achieved the same level of recognition. That’s not to say he wasn’t successful: his albums have sold over 30 million copies. From 1980 onward he assumed a slower pace, only releasing four more albums. He collapsed on stage in January of 1995 and was emitted to a London hospital, where he was diagnosed with liver failure. He received a successful transplant, but contracted a staph infection and passed away on June 14, 1995. He was only 47.

 

Rory's headstone.

Urban legend has it that Hendrix called him the best guitarist in the world. Whether or not he did, the influence he had on several musicians and the success he attained are undeniable. In 2011 Slash tweeted a petition to have Gallagher inducted to the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame, and urged others to sign it. A portion of it reads “Indeed he has influenced and inspired many artists including Slash, Brian May, Eric Clapton, The Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan…and was invited by Muddy Waters to play on one of his albums.” 

 

Statue in his hometown of Ballyshannon

And now you’ve heard of him, so go hear him. Audio, video clips and his detailed story are available on his official website: www.rorygallagher.com. I've linked a clip of “Shadow Play", which contains my favorite Rory solo and is an excellent place to start.

Bibliography

“The Rory Story”, http://www.rorygallagher.com/#/story, accessed 8/27/14

“Rory Gallagher: Outside the Establishment”, http://www.innerviews.org/inner/rory.html, accessed 8/27/14

“Riding Shotgun”, http://www.ridingshotgun.co.uk/extract.html, accessed 8/27/14

Happy 60th birthday to the Strat!

      The Fender Stratocaster is turning 60! It's been of the most popular guitars since Leo Fender introduced it in 1954 and has consistently remained a favorite of the biggest acts in the world. Jimi Hendrix's main guitar was a Strat. Strats were one of Kurt Cobain's go-to's. Producer Nile Rodgers used the same Strat to record Sister Sledge's “We Are Family”, Madonna's “Like a Virgin” and Daft Punk's “Get Lucky”. Kirk Hammett uses his vintage sea-foam Strat for Metallica's “I Disappear”. The solo that closes out Pearl Jam's “Alive”, the guitar on Bon Jovi's “You Give Love a Bad Name”, and the twang on Bonnie Raitt's "Something to Talk About” are all Strats.

From Guitar World.

     So what makes it so beloved? From a physical perspective, it introduced several new features for guitars. The body was contoured to account for the player's comfort. The output jack's position was moved and placed at an angle, so that players wouldn't accidentally step on their cords and yank them out during performances. It also had a double cutaway body to allow easier access to the high frets. When played clean it produces a beautiful bell-like, chiming sound. With some distortion, it cuts through the mix with treble and clarity. It is the favorite of some of the most famous guitar virtuosos in the world.

      Eric Clapton: “It's like going home.”
      Keith Richards: "Even if it wasn't a guitar, if it was a door stop or something, it would still be a great piece of design."

      Robin Trower: “For me, the Stratocaster has more of a vocal-like quality when playing single notes than any other guitar. It’s got an actual voice.”

      Yngwie Malmsteen: “Obviously, I wanted a Strat, and when I first started playing one I realized it was the perfect instrument—the Stradivarius of electric guitars.”

Ritzy from Joy Formidable.

      Famous Stratocasters have sold for obscene amounts of money. Stevie Ray Vaughn's “Lenny”, which his wife Lenora bought for him, fetched $623,500 at a charity auction. Eric Clapton's famous “Blackie” also sold at auction for $955,500. The white one Hendrix played at Woodstock was purchased by Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen for $1.3 million.

The man.

      There you have it. Heard in everything from the greatest guitarist who ever lived, to the opening notes of Pulp Fiction, and throughout every major genre of music, the Fender Stratocaster is one of the greatest musical instruments ever created.

Bibliography

1. Chris Gill, “You Sixty Thing”, Guitar World, October 2014, 72-80
2. “Dear Guitar Hero”, 8/30/13, http://www.guitarworld.com/dear-guitar-hero-yngwie-malmsteen-answers-readers-questions-sweep-picking-amps-dimebag-darrell-and-arrogance

Happy 60th birthday to the Strat!

      The Fender Stratocaster is turning 60! It's been of the most popular guitars since Leo Fender introduced it in 1954 and has consistently remained a favorite of the biggest acts in the world. Jimi Hendrix's main guitar was a Strat. Strats were one of Kurt Cobain's go-to's. Producer Nile Rodgers used the same Strat to record Sister Sledge's “We Are Family”, Madonna's “Like a Virgin” and Daft Punk's “Get Lucky”. Kirk Hammett uses his vintage sea-foam Strat for Metallica's “I Disappear”. The solo that closes out Pearl Jam's “Alive”, the guitar on Bon Jovi's “You Give Love a Bad Name”, and the twang on Bonnie Raitt's "Something to Talk About” are all Strats.

From Guitar World.

     So what makes it so beloved? From a physical perspective, it introduced several new features for guitars. The body was contoured to account for the player's comfort. The output jack's position was moved and placed at an angle, so that players wouldn't accidentally step on their cords and yank them out during performances. It also had a double cutaway body to allow easier access to the high frets. When played clean it produces a beautiful bell-like, chiming sound. With some distortion, it cuts through the mix with treble and clarity. It is the favorite of some of the most famous guitar virtuosos in the world.

      Eric Clapton: “It's like going home.”
      Keith Richards: "Even if it wasn't a guitar, if it was a door stop or something, it would still be a great piece of design."

      Robin Trower: “For me, the Stratocaster has more of a vocal-like quality when playing single notes than any other guitar. It’s got an actual voice.”

      Yngwie Malmsteen: “Obviously, I wanted a Strat, and when I first started playing one I realized it was the perfect instrument—the Stradivarius of electric guitars.”

Ritzy from Joy Formidable.

      Famous Stratocasters have sold for obscene amounts of money. Stevie Ray Vaughn's “Lenny”, which his wife Lenora bought for him, fetched $623,500 at a charity auction. Eric Clapton's famous “Blackie” also sold at auction for $955,500. The white one Hendrix played at Woodstock was purchased by Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen for $1.3 million.

The man.

      There you have it. Heard in everything from the greatest guitarist who ever lived, to the opening notes of Pulp Fiction, and throughout every major genre of music, the Fender Stratocaster is one of the greatest musical instruments ever created.

Bibliography

1. Chris Gill, “You Sixty Thing”, Guitar World, October 2014, 72-80
2. “Dear Guitar Hero”, 8/30/13, http://www.guitarworld.com/dear-guitar-hero-yngwie-malmsteen-answers-readers-questions-sweep-picking-amps-dimebag-darrell-and-arrogance

Waterfront Park, free music, and drones.

      Every summer WBRU puts on free concerts at Waterplace Park in Providence. This year they've expanded the running time from 1 to 2 hours, which is great not only because it gives us a chance to watch local openers, but also it doubles our potential time for outdoor drinking. So I mosey'ed on down with my little cousin and set in to enjoy some music.

 Waterplace Park

      Waterplace is well set up for concerts. The audience gathers on a downhill slope of grass and concrete, giving everyone a chance to be able to see over the people in front of them. That being said I still couldn't really see the bands, though. Damn it! I guess I'll have to make due with the perfect weather and free music. The water provides the backdrop for the stage, and it's possible to walk around 360 degrees and see the show from all angles.

      Before I get to the acts I'm pointing out that there was a little drone was flying about the place. My cuz and I found it unnerving. It was most likely taking pictures or video of the show, of course. We still were hoping for it to get juuuuust close enough to grab and chuck to the ground, preventing it from opening fire and kicking off the Skynet revolution the movies warned me about. Alas it wisely kept it's distance, and the machines are free to uprise another day.

 A drone. We're living in the future, friends.

      The aforementioned local opener was The Brother Kite, a kind of alt-rocky band from just down the street of the park. Their set was apparently cut short due to “tuning issues” (fellow musicians, remember to own a chromatic tuner – they cost about $60 and will save your asses) but they were solid enough. They have their own website (many local bands can't be bothered to have anything more than a Facebook page, so, big ups), but I think their best song can be found on this last.fm page.

      Phantogram is described as “dream hop”, which is (I'm guessing) an ambient form of trip-hop, which is a form of blah blah blah. Titles. They're a trip-hoppy band with a girl fronted alt-rock vibe. If you listen to the radio you've probably heard their latest song “Fall in Love”, and if you haven't you can listen to it here. Listening to them live, the “dream hop” label made sense. Their music is layered, melodic, and creates that dreamy-mood, largely in part to Sarah Barthel's voice. I expected that their performance would consist of a DJ and a singer, but a full band took the stage. Pre-recorded music is fine, but there's always love for live music actually being performed live.

      For anyone interested, the entire summer concert series lineup is available here. Also, if you're in the area, I recommend going to Harry's Burger and get the Mother of all Burgers. It is bliss in slider form.

Stone Sour's "House of Gold & Bones"

     

    

     

     A few weeks ago I saw Stone Sour at the House of Blues. They're touring to promote their "House of Gold & Bones" albums, and leading up to the show I was listening to both a lot. The albums, while strong musical releases, also tell a cool, twisted story. 

     When part 1 was announced I was already going to get it anyway, because I loved their previous two albums. Then I heard that it was going to be the first of a two part concept album, with Corey Taylor, the band's singer, describing it as Pink Floyd's “The Wall” meeting Alice in Chains' “Dirt” on steroids. Pretty fucking big shoes to fill, but okay. That could be awesome. Sold!

      If you dunno, a concept album is an album that tells a story, with each song serving as a musical kind of chapter. Sound awful? Yep (“Thank you very much Mr. Roboto”). But when a band does it right (“The Wall”, “Dark Side of the Moon”, maybe something non-Pink Floyd I can't think of, etc.), it's really right. Before the album was released, Taylor described the story as being about a man who has to make a decision about his life.

      “I would rather be good than bad, you know?” he said. “But I'm also realistic enough to know that I have that potential in me to be both. So, it's really the balance that it comes down to. I'm not a shiny happy person. I'm an asshole when I want to be...you can be positive and still have an attitude...This is about reality. This is about being a decent human being and having the guts to back it up. And that's kind of what the story is about, it's about... Can you be that person? Or are you just going to make the same mistakes in your life and spin your wheels in the ethereal mud, so to speak?”

      That sounded pretty damn good. Part 1 came out and I bought it right away. With the CD (why am I still buying CD's? When people go into Newbury Comics, they're buying coffee mugs with “Keep Calm and [Ironic-Phrase Here] On” printed on them, not CDs! I'm...I'm a dinosaur.), a short story copy of the album's plot was included.

      The main character, the Human, slowly awakens in a Dali-esque burnout landscape where the sky is sunshiny, but also includes pockets of gray winter, thunderstorm purple, aurora green on the horizon, and others. Laying in a field of grass that feels like AstroTurf, he rises and not knowing where the hell he is, sets off on a road that feels rubbery and sinks when he steps on it. Trippy! So begins a tale in which he's chased by lunatic psychopaths called the Numbers, confronted by a twisted doppelganger of himself, meets a Gandalf/Yoda sage named after Sam Peckinpah, and is told that he is key to a major event called the Conflagration, set to begin soon. Oh, and to go home, he has to find (...wait for it!...) the House of Gold & Bones.

      Part 2 came out a few months later, and begins with a flashback. Before the story begins, The Human believes that there is too much of life to live NOW, and he's burning through every night and day. One night, during a party at his place, he hears screams coming from the direction of the nearby lake. He tries to rally his friends, but they're all too fucked up to respond. He runs off alone and finds his neighbors' daughter in the water, screaming for her life. He dives in after her, but realizes he's really fucked up, too. He reaches her and pulls her on his back. People have arrived by now, but he's blacking out. He manages to push the girl toward an oncoming swimmer but he goes under. When he awakens next, he's in the strange world.

       Through part 2 we find out why some people are chasing him and some are helping him, why he's in this place, what being in a nightmare landscape has to do with choosing to become a better person, and what choice he ultimately has to make. Or not make. And that's the point. I'll leave it at that. “House of Gold & Bones” parts 1 and 2 are great rock records, so I recommend them to everyone I know anyway, but the story is great. Now go read it/listen to it so I can hear myself talk about it to you some more.